Humour, Jokes and Laughter for SARS, by Mike Garbutt

A guy hurries into the Doctor's office inquiring fretfully, "Doctor, I'm constipated, and its distracting me from my work, why's that?"

The Doctor replies, "It sounds like you've got a load on your mind?"


A confused guy appears in the Doctor's office inquiring, "Doctor, why is Pentecost always changing days, aren't we all disciples of this turtle island, onement, symbiosis, unity thing or what?"

The Doctor replies, "I haven't got a ghost . . ."


This cocky guy, struts into the Doctor's office inquiring, "Doctor, when is surveillance an alibi?"

The Doctor replies, "When you need a witness . . ."


An absorbed looking guy sitting in the Doctor's office blurts out, "Doctor, I'm fretting in case World War III has been declared on the News?"

The Doctor replies, "Did you hear a pin drop?"


These two forsaken looking doormen are sitting in the Doctor's office, when one says to the Doctor, "Doctor, our prospects around here are dimming, can you see our future somewhere in the stars?"

The Doctor replies, "Port cullis . . ."


A distraught sounding guy scurries into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I can't get either my TV, my computer or my smart-phone to synchronize with my digital signalling from the internet these days?"

The Doctor replies, "How do they work?"


This hiker emerges in the Doctor's office, rummaging through their back-pack, throwing something of a tantrum because they'd appeared to have lost or forgotten something; they were probably forgetful?, anyway, asking inquiringly, "Doctor, what do people do when they get lost in the wilderness?"

The Doctor replies, "Back track . . ."


This toothsome guy emerges in the Doctor's office asking inquiringly, "Doctor, what do you call someone who not only hates themselves, but hates everyone else too?"

The Doctor replies, "Anti-body . . ."


An apparently stony guy emerges in the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I've been told I'm confrontational and abrasive because of my tone of voice?"

The Doctor replies, "I don't like the sound of that . . ."


A guy ambles into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I've got so much time on my hands because my SARS needs are met early, that I don't know what to do with my life next?"

The Doctor replies, "Take a rest . . ."


This muddled looking guy stumbles into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, everyone keeps telling me I'm out of beat with the voice of popular culture, vox populi, and whatnot at this cultural intersection just now, what do I need to do to remedy that?"

The Doctor replies, "Keep a chronicle of the times . . ."


An antsy guy edges into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I've got a nervous tummy because I'm 5000 miles away from home, alone, what ought I to do about that?"

The Doctor replies, "Leave it with us, we'll get rid of it for you . . ."


An obliging guy walks into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I'm eternally grateful for medicine and science saving my life, as well as my families lives; what ought I to do about that?"

The Doctor replies, "Pay it forward . . ."


A worn out looking guy drags himself into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I'm sleepy all that time, what can I do about that?"

The Doctor replies, "I dunno, I've been tired recently too?"


A guy pussyfoots into the Doctor's office wanting to know if its safe to share secrets on social media, 'cos its the 1st time, and says, "Doctor, I'm ready to share my secrets through song on social media?"

The Doctor replies, "That's great, bare . . ."


A sentient guy strolls into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I'm looking forward to retirement's promise of free time, but I'm confused as to where my heart lies in Canada to spend it?"

The Doctor replies, "Try your inner ocular . . ."


A bewildered looking guy walks into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I've got the weight of the World on my shoulders, and I don't know what's eating me?"

The Doctor replies, "Don't fret, we'll get to the bottom of the matter . . ."


Inquiringly, this guy walks into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, what's the difference between 'self-employment' and 'meaningful work' in Rock 'n Roll?"

The Doctor replies, "One works, while the other bytes4u . . ."


This serious looking guy walks into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, someone just told me that a hobby-business is where you approach your work not only like its dealing with real people's lives in the community, but also to have a bit of fun, is that correct?"

The Doctor replies, "Naturally I agree, but then there's the laws . . ."


This high spirited and spunky, as well as plucky, gutsy and ballsy guy walks into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, someone just told me that I need to focus in and self-identify, is that correct, and if so, what am I?"

The Doctor replies, "This is a gamble, but I'd guess, feisty?"


These bagged looking guys skulk into the Doctor's waiting room, engulfed in themselves, as if sheathed and swathed by some veil or shroud, then when the patient speaks to the Doctor they say, "Doctor, I'm feeling all encompassed and wrapped up, as if I'm packaged within a box, trapped-like, is this typical, and if so, what's it called locally?"

The Doctor replies, "You've got me?"


This guy launches into the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, what do you call it when you dig deep enough to discover what you appear to be made of in anything other than a community?"

The Doctor replies, "Mine Control . . ."


This eerie looking guy walks into the Doctor's office saying fretfully, "Doctor, I'm taking my puppy dog to obedience school for the 1st time, and I'm anxious about what'll I do 'till the training's complete?"

The Doctor replies, "Ruff it . . ."


This puzzled looking guy emerges in the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, I need a second opinion, what do you call it when you've dug deep enough to discover what you appear to be made of in anything other than a community?"

The Doctor replies, "Beyond reductionism . . ."


This enthusiastic looking guy emerges in the Doctor's office saying, "Doctor, how come everywhere I turn, the vox populi of popular culture is flooded with waves of quantum theory, resonating from the lips of everyone, because of its relevance in community development and whatnot?"

The Doctor replies, "It's a fact . . ."


This baffled looking guy emerges in the Doctor's office inquiringly saying, "Doctor, I'm well past torqued because I can't find anyone to enjoy the joie-de-vivre of that word game hangman with me?"

The Doctor replies, "Snap . . ."


Photo courtesy of Reed Oslund


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